Teaching children to give to others doesn't always come naturally. Raising kids who are both grateful and generous requires intention and patience.
"As parents, you have to be intentional about teaching your child to give to others because it's actually a learned behavior," says Sara Loftin, LPC-S, RPT-S, Clinical Therapist at Children's Health℠.
Loftin offers tips for parents on how to cultivate a generous and grateful mindset in children.
The benefits of teaching kids generosity
Teaching your child the value of generosity can positively impact their emotional and social well-being. Some benefits include:
- Increased gratitude. A child who understands the joy of giving is likely to be more optimistic and satisfied with their day-to-day life.
- Building empathy. Giving fosters kindness and empathy, which helps kids develop strong social skills and self-esteem. Being empathetic also increases a child's chance of success in school, work and life.
- Improved perspective-taking. Generosity allows kids to practice seeing things from other viewpoints. Perspective-taking can help kids build strong friendships, which can improve their overall mental health.
Learning to give to others can also reduce entitlement, which is almost an epidemic in our culture. Instead of a child expecting gifts, they can learn to appreciate and be grateful for them.
How to teach kids to be generous (beyond gift-giving)
Generosity can be taught in ways that don't always involve physical gifts. Encouraging children to show kindness in everyday moments helps them understand the deeper value of giving. Some simple ways to do this include:
- Encourage helping others. Teach your child to offer help to someone in need, whether it's helping a sibling with homework or assisting an elderly neighbor with chores.
- Model kindness. Show acts of kindness in your own behavior, such as holding doors for others or offering a friendly smile.
- Talk about sharing. Use mealtime or playtime to teach kids the importance of sharing with others and how good it feels to include people in what they're doing.
- Volunteer together. Give back to the community by taking part in service activities together, such as picking up litter at a local park or helping out at a food bank.
"At the end of the day, being generous, kind and grateful for what you have and realizing the importance of giving to others is tied to being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes – and realizing that could be you," says Loftin.
Make gift-giving more meaningful
Holidays and birthdays often center around receiving gifts, but it is possible to shift the focus toward giving. Loftin suggests the following strategies:
- Talk about the deeper meaning. Have conversations about why we give gifts during holidays, emphasizing the joy of sharing with others.
- Focus on giving over receiving. Make a family list of gifts you'd like to give others. Ask your child what makes a good gift and what some of the best gifts they've received have been.
- Put your child's talents to use. Brainstorm how your child could make personal homemade gifts – like writing a song or poem or drawing or painting a picture.
- Plan a gift-making day or evening. Plan a family activity to make gifts for teachers, friends, relatives or neighbors. Bracelets or ornaments make great gifts – and if you ask your child, they'll likely have other creative gift ideas.
- Start a new giving tradition. Loftin's family does a "neighbor cookie day" that's one of her kids' favorite holiday activities. Each year, they bake cookies together and deliver them to neighbors.
- Take your child gift shopping. Take children with you when shopping for gifts and talk about why an item might make a good gift for that person. Remind kids that a good gift needs to reflect the other person's likes and preferences, not their own.
- Give the gift of experiences. Teach your child that giving doesn't always have to involve physical gifts. Consider giving experiences, such as a family outing to an adventure park, concert, movie or mini golf.
Set limits on gift-giving
If you've set an expectation in years past that your kids will receive lots of presents, your children may be upset if you intentionally change that expectation.
"It's OK for your children to feel uncomfortable – that's part of changing an expectation. Try reminding your child that this change is not a punishment for anything they've done wrong, it's simply part of focusing more on giving and shared experiences this year,'" says Loftin.
One strategy that can help families limit gifts at the holidays is to use categories:
- Something you want
- Something you need
- Something to wear
- Something to read
It can help to talk to your child about wants versus needs. Use examples of wants (a new puzzle) versus needs (a warm winter jacket).
Books to help teach generosity
For kids:
- The Giving Snowman by Julia Zheng (ages 3-6)
- Harold Loves His Woolly Hat by Vern Kousky (ages 3-7)
- Gratitude is My Superpower by Alicia Ortego (ages 4-9)
- Disney Junior Fancy Nancy: Nancy and the Nice List: A Christmas Holiday Book for Kids by Krista Tucker (ages 4-8)
- Sam and the Lucky Money by Karen Chinn (ages 5-8)
For adults:
- The Me, Me, Me Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World by Amy McCready
- Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine by Michele Borba
- The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
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